www.SatansVacationAgency.com

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**NOTICE:  the following is a fictitious advertisement in an attempt to make a simple point:  making leisure self-focused is sinful and demonic.  The summer is upon us, so vacations are on the brain.  Certainly God wants us to enjoy rest and leisure, but everything we do should be for the glory of God.  We will only truly enjoy rest and leisure when we enjoy Christ, and a life centered on Christ will naturally (with the help of the Spirit) use times of leisure and rest for worship.


Hello and welcome to Satan’s Vacation Agency!

My name is Glutton N. A. Instant and I’ll be assisting you in finding just what you’re looking for today.  So whether you’re excited to travel, experience the pleasures and delicacies of luxury, or just need to get away for some R & R, we here at S.V.A. are confident we have just the deal for you!

Now, I know what you’re thinking…you think you don’t belong here, but after I showcase for you our products and services and the thousands of years of experience we have in helping customers like you find immediate satisfaction and protection of their rights I think you’ll find we’ve been on the same team for years.  We can’t wait for you to see our line of packages that are fully customizable and flexible, and the best part is there’s absolutely NO MONEY DOWN!*  In no time you’ll be kicking back and relaxing in style…your style, just the way you want it, any way you want it, and with no interruptions.  A good time is guaranteed!

We have leisure packages that specialize in a whole host of circumstances: lazy mornings, lazy afternoons, Saturdays, Sunday afternoons, and we’ve even recently opened up an entire array of Sunday morning options.  We’ve got packages for late nighters, all nighters, 2 days to 2 months, and even a whole line of retirement options that are guaranteed never to expire for the rest of your life!  You just let me know what you want to do, where you want to go and for how long, and we’ve got you covered.  Excuse me while I borrow from a recent ad: It’s about you and it’s about time!

It’s your time, and you’ve earned it!  Look, I know you’ve been working hard.  All those long hours at the workplace and dealing with those people, endlessly cleaning the house and picking up after ungrateful kids (and not to mention all the extra hours you’ve spent slaving for needy people at your church)…you’ve got to take a break!  Have some “me” time.  You’ll burn out if you don’t.  Work is for leisure, and once you’ve put in your time, it’s time to get yours!  Even the Man Upstairs wants you to enjoy life, right?  So what do you want to do?  Whether it’s just for a few hours before bed, or a weekend with no work, or the two week’s vacation, we know how hard everyone’s been vying for your time and energy and our expertise is helping hardworking customers like you sift through the distractions and embrace the rewards you deserve.  We’ll guide you in tuning out the rest of the world, getting comfortable, indulging yourself in the pleasures you’ve been denied, and helping you focus on you.

This is a good time for me to tell you about another legendary service we have to offer.  We promise to stand up for your rights, and we won’t let you become a victim!  We know that everyone’s out to ruin the precious little time you have for yourself, and we simply won’t allow it!  We’ll fight for you against those cruel people who would ruin your experience and leisure.  After all, we know that you have an inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.  Whether it’s that pesky and nagging wife, your lazy and helpless husband, those screaming and annoying children, a power-hungry boss, pathetic coworkers, or even that overbearing and invasive pastor or church members always trying to make you feel guilty, we’ve dealt with them all before and it’s an easy case to defend.  Once we lay out all the facts there’s no denying your rights.

So I hope it’s clear, we’ve got the market on pleasure, leisure and vacations!  Don’t miss out on our new line of apps for your phone, now you can take us with you anywhere around the world.  We’re currently experiencing an especially high call count in your region of the world (seeing as it is peak season with summer and all), but I am here to book you quickly and get you on your way to the time of your life!

Let me know when you want to get started and have fun wasting…er, uh…I mean enjoying your life!

Yours,

Glutton

*Monetary charges are irrelevant.  One quick payment of your soul will suffice.  Our collection agency will conveniently postpone payment until after your enjoyable experience is complete.

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