Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 6): Women and Lust & Men and Modesty

Well, here we are…the last post in our series “Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool.” My purpose in this last post is to tackle two matters that are rarely addressed: 1) women & lust and 2) men & modesty. Basically, these issues are reversals of the two major topics that we have been examining thus far in this series (women and modesty & men and lust).Women and LustFor some reason, the topic of women and lust is rarely discussed in Christian circles. This is somewhat understandable when one considers how big of an issue lust is for almost all men. Yet, in our culture this is not a topic that can be ignored, especially when one considers the statistics regarding women and internet pornography (for example, 1 out of every 3 visitors to pornographic websites is a woman; for more statistics, see here). For many women, the temptation to lust is real, and like Christian men, believing women have a responsibility to guard their hearts and minds from such temptation. Since lust is definitely not a gray issue, the points I made in the previous two posts regarding men and lust can easily be applied to women. So, if you are a lady who struggles with lust, please refer to those previous posts. Only a deep love for Christ and a desire to please him in all things can help you overcome the powerful temptations that face you at the beach/pool.Men and ModestyIf the matter of women and lust is often ignored, then the issue of men and modesty has been buried underground. It is somewhat assumed that if a man has swimming shorts of a descent length, then he is dressing modestly. Thankfully, I have never met a man who thinks wearing Speedos is permissible and I hope I never do. Not only are Speedos immodest, they are just plain NASTY! Now that we all have horrible images in our head, let’s move on. In what follows, I will tackle an important question that few men consider: Should men wear t-shirts when at the beach/pool? In short, my answer to this question is that there are some men who should wear t-shirts whenever they are at a beach or public pool. Since this is a gray area, I will offer to questions every man should ask himself in seeking two answer this question: 1) Am I being a stumbling block? and 2) Is taking off my shirt fuel for my arrogance?Let’s face it, not every man has the physique of Vin Diesel. For some men, there is no chance of a woman lusting after them when they step out from the snack bar at the pool. However, there are some men whom the Lord has blessed with (and who have worked hard to get) an athletic build. In regard to such men, I think it is completely appropriate to raise the same questions I raised in my two posts on women and modesty. Some Christian men make light of the fact that they could be causing their sisters in Christ to stumble by not putting on a t-shirt in public. If you are such a man, I would simply remind you of what Paul said in Romans 14:21:“It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.”Men, we have no right to point fingers at our sisters in Christ without applying the same standards to ourselves. Simply because it is culturally acceptable does not mean that it is acceptable in the eyes of our Lord. If you have an athletic build, you must be sensitive to your role as a stumbling block in a sister’s walk with Christ. I know a Christian man who will not go to the beach/pool without a t-shirt (sleeveless). Whenever he is asked to give a reason for his actions, he always tells the same story. He was at the beach one year and noticed two teenage girls staring him down (he has somewhat of an athletic build). Later in the week, he met these girls’ parents and discovered that they were believers (as well as the two teenage girls). He was immediately convicted of causing his younger sisters in Christ to stumble and began wearing t-shirts whenever he was in public. Now, were the girls wrong for lusting after him? Yes. But if we take Paul’s words in Romans 14 seriously, then he did not love them well. So, here’s the question for every man: What is the potential of a woman lusting after me if I do not wear a t-shirt in public? Remember…it is always better to take the high road with gray issues!The second reason I believe some men should wear t-shirts at the beach/pool is related to the sin of arrogance. If there is a sin among men which can rival lust, it has to be the sin of pride/arrogance. I know so many men (including myself) who, in one way or another, struggle with pride. For men who are “rip,” one of the key areas where arrogance flares up is when they take off their shirt in public. Many of you know exactly what I am talking about…as soon as your shirt comes off, you suck in your belly, stick out your chest, and your head swells up. You are the man! But wait, what does the Scripture say about pride? Consider the words of 1 Peter 5:5:“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”If you are anything like me, you need all the grace that you can get. You definitely do not want to be opposed by the one who can strike your sculpted body down at whatever moment he so chooses. So, if taking off your shirt at the beach/pool gives Satan a foothold, I would suggest leaving it on at all times. Remember the words of Christ:“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:29–30)The battle against indwelling sin often demands radical steps, but such radical steps are well worth it when we consider the unspeakable joy of knowing and loving Christ. Few sins can hinder such unspeakable joy like the sin of pride. Check yourself, men. Is your physique an idol that expresses itself in pride at the beach/pool? Don’t ignore your arrogance and use “being in shape” as an excuse to add fuel to the fire.I hope this discussion has caused you to think differently about the issue of men and modesty, especially if you are a man who struggles with pride or who is in good shape. For the sake of the Gospel, let us be men who take such issues seriously.Thank you for taking the time to read through this series of blog posts. I pray that your next trip to the beach will be Christ-centered and Christ honoring. If anything I have said contributes to that, then to God be the glory. Till next time….

Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 5): Men and Lust (cont.)

Last week I ended with a challenge for men to examine their hearts in regard to their love for Christ, hatred of sin, and desire to gain victory over lust. This week I will offer a few practical suggestions which have helped me as I fight against the temptation to lust at the beach/pool. I do not give these as legalistic rules, but offer them as suggestions for men who are serious about living the Gospel at the beach, for men who want to honor their God and their wives, for men who want to keep the mission of God at the forefront of their minds and not some strange woman’s cleavage.1. Do not wear sunglasses. Let me give you a maxim that I have learned by experience and observation: Most perverts wear sunglasses to the beach (NOTICE that I did not say: everyone who wears sunglasses is a pervert). It does not take a young man long to discover that if he wears sunglasses to the beach, no one can see his eyes. When you are wearing sunglasses, you can point your face in one direction while your eyes are actually in a different direction. If you struggle with lust (i.e. if you are a man), this poses a huge problem. It basically frees you to lust all you want without being “busted” by anyone. It is so easy for a man to sit in his chair and act like he is reading a book, all the while his eyes are actually glued to the beautiful woman sunbathing in front of him. Take his sunglasses off and see how that works! But someone might raise the objection, “The sun hurts my eyes so I need to wear my sunglasses.” To this objection, I would simply quote Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:29–30 (see previous post). Which is better: to have the sun hurt your eyes a little bit or to lust in your heart? I think the answer is clear! Trust me: your eyes will eventually adjust! You may have to walk around all day squinting...but better to squint than to lust.2. Lust after your wife. Typically, we think that lust is wrong altogether, and for the most part it is, but have you ever thought about lusting after your wife? Simply put, lust is an intense sexual desire. Such intense desire is completely appropriate when directed toward your wife as long as you are consistently loving her as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). In other words, lusting after your wife is only appropriate within the context of a Christ-centered marriage. Shame on the man who treats his wife disrespectfully and unloving all the time and only uses her as a sex object. I like to think of this principle in relation to Paul’s analogy of putting off the old man and putting on the new man (Ephesians 4:22-32). Instead of lusting after another woman at the beach (sinful), we should intentionally direct our sexual attention toward our wives. How many of our wives would love to see our eyes locked in on them at the beach instead of having to watch us like hawks because they know that our eyes are prone to wander to other women. Tell your wife how beautiful she is, touch her, kiss her, stare at her, wink at her, through your actions make her feel far superior to every other woman on the beach. Make your wife the object of your sexual desires and your next trip to the beach might be the best trip you have ever had!! Let me reiterate: I am not saying that our wives should be treated as sex objects, nor should we ever make them feel that way. A wife who knows her husband loves her deeply feels secure and confident when he expresses his sexual desires toward her.3. Ask someone to watch your eyes. Now we are stepping into the realm of accountability. Let’s face it, we are wicked people and unless we take drastic steps, we are prone to give into our evil desires. Enlist someone to watch your eyes when you are at the beach/pool. It could be your wife, a friend, or another family member (probably not a good idea to ask your children). If you know that someone is going to be periodically checking your eyes, you will be much less likely to let them roam. In fact, your wife may already be doing this and you may not even know it. I recall an instance a few years ago when I was in my backyard working and one of our neighbors walked over to talk to Maisy (who was helping her daddy). This neighbor happened to be a teenage girl who was dressed like a street corner prostitute; it was obvious that she was vying for my eyes. I just kept working away and by the grace of God, did not look at her. Later that evening, I said something to my wife about the incident and she responded by saying, “I know. I was watching you.” I cannot express how crushed I would have been had I looked at that girl lustfully. I can’t imagine the pain my wife would have experienced if she had witnessed me lusting after another woman. If you care about your wife and her honor at all, ask her to watch your eyes at the beach. I promise you…the temptation to lust will have much less bite!4. Turn your back to possible temptations. In many situations at the beach, one of the easiest “outs” is simply to turn your back to the temptation. As a father of three young children, I find that most of the time when I am at the beach I am playing in the water or at the surface of the water in the sand. When I am playing with my kids, I have two options: 1) face the water with my back to all the sunbathers or 2) face the sunbathers and expose myself to possible temptations. In this scenario, the answer is easy...just keep your back turned to the sunbathers. I could think of 20 other scenarios at the beach, but the solution to each one is the same: position yourself so that possible temptations are behind you. God did not give us eyes in the back of our head for a reason…so point the back of your head in the right direction!5. Look for opportunities to share the Gospel. As disciples of Christ, we are called to both live the Gospel and to proclaim the Gospel. We should view our beach/pool trips as opportunities to share the Gospel with those who are without Christ and without hope. Such a desire goes a long way in curbing our sinful desire to lust. If the Gospel is at the forefront of our mind, we are a lot less likely to do things that would contradict the very message we seek to proclaim. Instead of looking at half naked women, we will look for those who are desperately in need of a Savior. So, next time you go to the beach, ask the Lord to give you opportunities to share his great love and when he provides them, seize them for his glory!

Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 4): Men and Lust

Men love war movies! If you don’t believe me, just mention Braveheart around a group of men and watch them start drooling. For some, it’s the raw carnage which makes these movies so great; for some, it’s the hero who confidently leads his army into battle; and for others, it’s simply the glory of victory. Unfortunately, most Christian men do not have the same enthusiasm when it comes to the real war in which they find themselves, i.e., the war against sin and Satan (Romans 6:12–14; Ephesians 6:10–13). In fact, many of these men have lost their vision of the glory of victory and have handed in their armor, much to the pleasure of the enemy.In this great battle, one of the key battlegrounds for men is the beach/pool. In fact, I cannot think of a more apt description of what takes place within a godly man at the beach/pool than war. Just like any war, much is at stake in this battle. We cannot surrender ground to the enemy, but must make gains against his deceitful schemes. Before we can gain victory, we must view it as war (in the ultimate sense of the word) and walk in the power and authority of our Commander, who has already broken the power of lust in our lives (Romans 6:6).Now, wouldn’t it be nice if the ladies at the beach/pool would simply take into consideration the fact that Christian men are seeking to lead godly lives for the sake of their Savior? But let’s face it, most of those bikini clad women roaming the sand are dressed like that for one simple reason: to grab the attention of as many men as possible. They want us to look, to lust, and to lock in on their bodies! And our enemy loves it because every lustful thought, every second glance, gives him a little more ground in the battle.If we were to really get honest with ourselves, most of us do not take lust very seriously (i.e. as warfare). We will call it sin, but like many sins in our lives, we are willing to live with it because it is such a common sin among men. May God heal us of such defeat-laden attitudes! Jesus refused to pull any punches when it came to this issue. In Matthew 5:27–28, he states:“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^ But  I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”Christ did not treat lust as some “minor” sin that is acceptable because “all men struggle with it.” He puts it on the same level as adultery! However, he did not stop in v. 28. In the next two verses (Matthew 5:29–30), Christ underscores the seriousness of lust by describing the actions necessary to fight against it:“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more          profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be  cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is      more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be   cast into hell.”How many of us have such a radical view of sin and its dangers? Often times, when we read these two verses, we immediately want to explain it away by saying, “Well Jesus does not really want us to pluck out our eye or cut off our hand.” This is correct, but it misses the very reason why Jesus uses this hyperbole. He uses it to emphasis the radical steps that are necessary to curb sin within our lives. We must be men who are not soft on sin, but who are radical in the steps we take to purge our lives of sin. Such radical steps include our trips to the beach, to the mall (watch out for Victoria Secret), down the interstate (billboards), the park, etc.Next week I am going to offer some practical suggestions about how to fight against lust at the beach/pool, but those practical suggestions will be useless if we do not deal with the heart issues first. If you do not have a proper understanding of the danger of your sin and a desperate desire to value Christ above everything else, then you will have no motivation for enacting the practical suggestions that we will discuss next week. So, do you take lust serious or do you just dismiss it as a “fight not worth fighting”? Like all sins, lust indicates a deficiency in our love for God and our neighbors (the woman after whom we lust and our wives). Thus, the answer for our battle with lust is to love and value Christ more. If you are not actively cultivating your heart for Christ and his glory, then you will lack the motivation to fight against lust in the way Christ calls us to fight, as good soldiers of the cross. So men, will you wage war in the power of Christ against sin and Satan at the beach/pool or will you raise your white flag and dishonor the one who died to free you from the power of sin?

Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool

My family and I recently took a trip to our favorite vacation spot in Myrtle Beach, SC. We had a blast together and enjoyed some of the best seafood ever (i.e. The Chesapeake House off of Kings’ Highway). Like most families in our culture, we try to go to the beach together at least once a year. As our kids get older, we are finding that they enjoy the beach more and more (and Christina and I are getting more and more exercise trying to keep up with them).There is just something special about the beach and its reflection of God’s glory. When I hear the roar of the waves, I am reminded of the passages which compare the Lord’s voice to the roar of many waters (e.g. Ez 43:2; Rev 1:15, 14:2). When I look out and see nothing but endless ocean, I am reminded of the greatness and might of our God, who simply spoke such vastness into existence. When I stand on the beautiful white sand (especially in Florida; no offense to you Carolinians), I can’t help but think of the purity and holiness of my God, in whose presence no one is worthy to stand.Yet, at the same time, the beach can also present some pretty tempting situations for Christians (unless of course your family has a private beach). The greatest of these temptations for most Christian men is the truckloads of bikini-clad women roaming the beaches. Almost every honest man I know will readily admit how difficult it is to go to the beach and bridle his roaming eyes. As Christian men, a relaxing day on the beach can quickly turn into a battle against the temptation to lust. I speak so confidently about men because: 1) I am a man and 2) I have talked to other men about this. However, I don’t think the temptation to lust at the beach is limited to Christian men, but also extends to Christian women who may struggle with lust as well.For Christian women, I believe it is safe to say that the number one issue at the beach is modesty. I would expect the ladies of the world (the ladies of folly) to dress in such a way so as to try and grab the attention of every man within thirty feet of their body, but when Christian ladies show no distinction in their choice of garments, it is very disappointing. As with lust, I believe the discussion of modesty should not be limited to only one gender; some men may struggle with modesty as well...or at least some of the same sinful motives that ladies deal with when it comes to this topic.Over the next few weeks, I want to take some time and address both of these beach temptations and how as believers we can not only overcome these common temptations, but also be bold witnesses for Christ when we are at the beach. Obviously, everything that I say about Christians at the beach would also apply to public swimming pools. Therefore, I have entitled this series of blogs: “Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool.” I pray that you will be encouraged and challenged in your walk with Christ as I have been as I have worked through these issues over the years.