Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 6): Women and Lust & Men and Modesty
Well, here we are…the last post in our series “Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool.” My purpose in this last post is to tackle two matters that are rarely addressed: 1) women & lust and 2) men & modesty. Basically, these issues are reversals of the two major topics that we have been examining thus far in this series (women and modesty & men and lust).Women and LustFor some reason, the topic of women and lust is rarely discussed in Christian circles. This is somewhat understandable when one considers how big of an issue lust is for almost all men. Yet, in our culture this is not a topic that can be ignored, especially when one considers the statistics regarding women and internet pornography (for example, 1 out of every 3 visitors to pornographic websites is a woman; for more statistics, see here). For many women, the temptation to lust is real, and like Christian men, believing women have a responsibility to guard their hearts and minds from such temptation. Since lust is definitely not a gray issue, the points I made in the previous two posts regarding men and lust can easily be applied to women. So, if you are a lady who struggles with lust, please refer to those previous posts. Only a deep love for Christ and a desire to please him in all things can help you overcome the powerful temptations that face you at the beach/pool.Men and ModestyIf the matter of women and lust is often ignored, then the issue of men and modesty has been buried underground. It is somewhat assumed that if a man has swimming shorts of a descent length, then he is dressing modestly. Thankfully, I have never met a man who thinks wearing Speedos is permissible and I hope I never do. Not only are Speedos immodest, they are just plain NASTY! Now that we all have horrible images in our head, let’s move on. In what follows, I will tackle an important question that few men consider: Should men wear t-shirts when at the beach/pool? In short, my answer to this question is that there are some men who should wear t-shirts whenever they are at a beach or public pool. Since this is a gray area, I will offer to questions every man should ask himself in seeking two answer this question: 1) Am I being a stumbling block? and 2) Is taking off my shirt fuel for my arrogance?Let’s face it, not every man has the physique of Vin Diesel. For some men, there is no chance of a woman lusting after them when they step out from the snack bar at the pool. However, there are some men whom the Lord has blessed with (and who have worked hard to get) an athletic build. In regard to such men, I think it is completely appropriate to raise the same questions I raised in my two posts on women and modesty. Some Christian men make light of the fact that they could be causing their sisters in Christ to stumble by not putting on a t-shirt in public. If you are such a man, I would simply remind you of what Paul said in Romans 14:21:“It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.”Men, we have no right to point fingers at our sisters in Christ without applying the same standards to ourselves. Simply because it is culturally acceptable does not mean that it is acceptable in the eyes of our Lord. If you have an athletic build, you must be sensitive to your role as a stumbling block in a sister’s walk with Christ. I know a Christian man who will not go to the beach/pool without a t-shirt (sleeveless). Whenever he is asked to give a reason for his actions, he always tells the same story. He was at the beach one year and noticed two teenage girls staring him down (he has somewhat of an athletic build). Later in the week, he met these girls’ parents and discovered that they were believers (as well as the two teenage girls). He was immediately convicted of causing his younger sisters in Christ to stumble and began wearing t-shirts whenever he was in public. Now, were the girls wrong for lusting after him? Yes. But if we take Paul’s words in Romans 14 seriously, then he did not love them well. So, here’s the question for every man: What is the potential of a woman lusting after me if I do not wear a t-shirt in public? Remember…it is always better to take the high road with gray issues!The second reason I believe some men should wear t-shirts at the beach/pool is related to the sin of arrogance. If there is a sin among men which can rival lust, it has to be the sin of pride/arrogance. I know so many men (including myself) who, in one way or another, struggle with pride. For men who are “rip,” one of the key areas where arrogance flares up is when they take off their shirt in public. Many of you know exactly what I am talking about…as soon as your shirt comes off, you suck in your belly, stick out your chest, and your head swells up. You are the man! But wait, what does the Scripture say about pride? Consider the words of 1 Peter 5:5:“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”If you are anything like me, you need all the grace that you can get. You definitely do not want to be opposed by the one who can strike your sculpted body down at whatever moment he so chooses. So, if taking off your shirt at the beach/pool gives Satan a foothold, I would suggest leaving it on at all times. Remember the words of Christ:“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:29–30)The battle against indwelling sin often demands radical steps, but such radical steps are well worth it when we consider the unspeakable joy of knowing and loving Christ. Few sins can hinder such unspeakable joy like the sin of pride. Check yourself, men. Is your physique an idol that expresses itself in pride at the beach/pool? Don’t ignore your arrogance and use “being in shape” as an excuse to add fuel to the fire.I hope this discussion has caused you to think differently about the issue of men and modesty, especially if you are a man who struggles with pride or who is in good shape. For the sake of the Gospel, let us be men who take such issues seriously.Thank you for taking the time to read through this series of blog posts. I pray that your next trip to the beach will be Christ-centered and Christ honoring. If anything I have said contributes to that, then to God be the glory. Till next time….
Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 3): Women and Modesty (cont.)
Last week, I set the issue of modesty in the context of love, i.e., a woman’s responsibility to love her brothers in Christ. This week, I am going to offer some other questions for Christian couples to discuss (or single ladies to think about) when considering the wife’s choice of swimwear. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but a list of key questions that should drive the decision process. Again, I am not proposing a certain swimsuit, but hope to offer probing questions that get to the “heart” of the matter.1. What is my motive for this choice of a bathing suit? This is the heart question. All of our actions must be evaluated from the inside out and the choice of swimwear is no exception. Regardless of your swimwear, if your primary motive for wearing a certain swimsuit is not a love for God & neighbor (i.e. last week’s post) (Matthew 22:37–39) and a desire to see him exalted (1 Corinthians 10:31), then it is sinful. So ladies, what is the number one thing on your mind when you shop for a swimsuit? showing off your figure? your tan line? attracting the attention of men? the opinions of others (i.e. fashion)? OR is your primary motivation to display Christ, please Christ, reflect his glory, and advance his life-changing Gospel? Of course, this latter question should be the primary factor in your decision. Unfortunately, too many Christian women make their decision for a swimsuit solely on the basis of the former list of questions. Such motives, when primary, are not only the opposite of a Gospel-centered life, but usually result in swimwear that is too revealing.Let me give a couple of caveats at this point. In the previous paragraph, I am not saying that a woman cannot dress fashionable/stylish and glorify God at the same time. There is nothing necessarily wrong with wearing a stylish swimsuit. The problem comes when a woman’s desire to be fashionable becomes more important than her desire to glorify Christ. Also, some women want certain portions of their bodies to be tan for their husbands. This is definitely a good desire, but it should not be used as an excuse to dress immodestly in public. My advise to a woman who wants her “high risk” areas tan for her husband is to tan in a private place (e.g. behind a privacy fence).2. Is my husband in full agreement with my choice of a swimsuit? Wives, if you have a husband who is concerned about the gospel, he should be leading in this area (Ephesians 5:22–24). If your husband is not leading, you can simply ask him one question: If I were not your wife, would you be tempted to lust after me in this swimsuit? Now, your husband should have a holy jealousy for your body. In fact, he has authority over it (just as you have authority over his-see 1 Corinthians 7:4). He should want to cover certain parts of your body from the eyes of others and reserve them only for himself. Personally, I know which parts of my wife’s body I never want another man’s eyes to see. These parts are off limits whether we are at church or at a swimming pool! How despicable is the man who likes his wife to wear skimpy swimwear (or clothes in general) so he can show her off! Such an attitude is the opposite of what Christ desires. If your man loves you, he will not treat you as a trophy, but as a queen! So men, if you are not leading your wife in this area...man up!3. Would I be comfortable sharing Christ with another person while wearing this bathing suit? To me, this is a very important question! In fact, this question is not even on the radar screen of most of the women I know who choose to dress immodestly. Let me put it a little more bluntly: If you were to walk up to a man in your swimsuit in order to share Christ with him, would he be able to hear the message of the Gospel over the screams of your cleavage, mid-drift, buttocks, etc.?Next week I will turn my attention to the men and the issue of lust, but I do pray that everyone will seriously consider the issues I have raised in these two posts on modesty. Do I believe these questions are the “magic bullets” which will finally settle this debated issue within Christian circles? Far be it! My goal in these posts has been to switch the discussion from legalistic external questions to the most important questions of motive and love. Too few Christians think through important issues like this simply because the Bible does not give us black and white guidelines. Don’t be a Christian who refuses to deal with difficult topics. Think hard and critically so you can live in a manner “worthy of the Gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27).
Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool (Part 2): Women and Modesty
Ladies first...Last week, I stated that the primary area of temptation at the beach for women revolves around the issue of modesty. Now, I realize that I am charting into some choppy waters when it comes to such a discussion because of the “grayness” of this issue. What many would have thought was the attire of harlots a few decades ago is now acceptable in many Christian circles. Let me just say that I will not be proposing a certain type of swimsuit for ladies in this blog post (not because I don’t have an opinion on it), but I will instead propose some questions on the basis of which each couple should make their decision concerning acceptable types of swimwear.The reason this issue is so difficult to deal with is because the Bible does not give us a modesty checklist or specific guidelines on what is considered modest. For example, 1 Timothy 2:9–10 simply commands “modest apparel” and offers a few qualifications:“...in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”The broad qualifications given in these verses are important: propriety, moderation, and good works. Indeed, these qualities should be sought after by all women in their attire (propriety and moderation) and lifestyle (good works). Yet, the question could still be asked: What does a swimsuit marked by propriety look like? What one woman thinks might meet this standard might not line up with what another woman thinks. Such subjectivity brings me to a very important question women should ask in their choice of attire: Does it cause a [Christian] man to lust? In my opinion, this should be one of the key principles in a Christian woman’s choice of swimwear.In Romans 14, Paul, writing on the issue of Christian liberty, outlines some very helpful principles. For example, he states in Romans 14:13:“Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.”Then, again in v. 21:“It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.”In v. 15, he anchors the issue of Christian liberty in love:“Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love.”Ladies, what is at stake in your choice of swimwear is far more important than a tan line (which quickly fades). What is at stake is your obedience to Christ’s love commandment in John 13:34:“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”The question every woman should ask before putting on their swimsuit (or any attire) is: Am I showing love to my brothers in Christ by this choice of attire? If it causes them to lust, then the answer to this question is probably no.Now, I know that there are enough perverts in this world to fill North America and that many men are so driven by lust that they will find a way to lust regardless, but this does not dismiss the fact that certain portions of a woman’s body when exposed present a greater temptation for men to lust, even men who are seeking to walk by the Spirit and to avoid lust. These are the portions that should be covered at all times, even at the beach or pool. A man’s sinful desires do not magically turn off at the beach/pool; in fact, they are usually more pronounced there than anywhere else. A very practical way to find out these “high risk” areas of a woman’s body is to ask (better: have your husband ask) several godly men what portions of a woman’s body, when exposed, make them struggle with lust. To be sure, not everyone will agree (thus highlighting the subjectivity of the issue), but it should give you a good idea.One last thing...of equal importance in this matter is the issue of lost men and a Christian woman’s responsibility to be a light to them. To put it a little more bluntly: will you be a light (Matt 5:16) to the men of this world by pointing them to Christ with your modesty or will you simply be another link in Satan’s chain that drags these men into the pit of hell? As dangerous and unloving as it is to make a brother in Christ stumble, how much more to make a lost man, who is enslaved to sin, stumble?Many people whom I have encountered treat this as a light issue because there are so many opinions. This is not an issue that we should treat lightly and it is worthy of much thought and biblical wisdom. Wherever you land on the modesty spectrum, make it your goal to err on the side of caution rather than on the side of error. In my next post, I will present a few more specific questions for couples to ask regarding this issue.
Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool
My family and I recently took a trip to our favorite vacation spot in Myrtle Beach, SC. We had a blast together and enjoyed some of the best seafood ever (i.e. The Chesapeake House off of Kings’ Highway). Like most families in our culture, we try to go to the beach together at least once a year. As our kids get older, we are finding that they enjoy the beach more and more (and Christina and I are getting more and more exercise trying to keep up with them).There is just something special about the beach and its reflection of God’s glory. When I hear the roar of the waves, I am reminded of the passages which compare the Lord’s voice to the roar of many waters (e.g. Ez 43:2; Rev 1:15, 14:2). When I look out and see nothing but endless ocean, I am reminded of the greatness and might of our God, who simply spoke such vastness into existence. When I stand on the beautiful white sand (especially in Florida; no offense to you Carolinians), I can’t help but think of the purity and holiness of my God, in whose presence no one is worthy to stand.Yet, at the same time, the beach can also present some pretty tempting situations for Christians (unless of course your family has a private beach). The greatest of these temptations for most Christian men is the truckloads of bikini-clad women roaming the beaches. Almost every honest man I know will readily admit how difficult it is to go to the beach and bridle his roaming eyes. As Christian men, a relaxing day on the beach can quickly turn into a battle against the temptation to lust. I speak so confidently about men because: 1) I am a man and 2) I have talked to other men about this. However, I don’t think the temptation to lust at the beach is limited to Christian men, but also extends to Christian women who may struggle with lust as well.For Christian women, I believe it is safe to say that the number one issue at the beach is modesty. I would expect the ladies of the world (the ladies of folly) to dress in such a way so as to try and grab the attention of every man within thirty feet of their body, but when Christian ladies show no distinction in their choice of garments, it is very disappointing. As with lust, I believe the discussion of modesty should not be limited to only one gender; some men may struggle with modesty as well...or at least some of the same sinful motives that ladies deal with when it comes to this topic.Over the next few weeks, I want to take some time and address both of these beach temptations and how as believers we can not only overcome these common temptations, but also be bold witnesses for Christ when we are at the beach. Obviously, everything that I say about Christians at the beach would also apply to public swimming pools. Therefore, I have entitled this series of blogs: “Living the Gospel at the Beach and Pool.” I pray that you will be encouraged and challenged in your walk with Christ as I have been as I have worked through these issues over the years.