The Post-Christmas Letdown

Christmas is over, at least for 2016, and depending on how your weekend went you are either thankful or sad the day has passed. For most of us, no matter our perceptions of this year’s Christmas, there was, and perhaps still is, an excitement and expectation surrounding Christmas. It’s a big day, and we either still have or can remember at least one Christmas where we were excited to see the sunrise. At its best Christmas brings family, food, fun and gifts. There are loads of excitement—then it is all over. You wake up the next morning and all the expectation and excitement you felt is gone, and this week is like every other week.I wonder if Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, the prophets, and everyone else in Israel who rejoiced at the birth of Jesus felt the same way. With the exception of Luke’s eleven verses in Luke 2:41-51, the Bible is silent on the life of Jesus for nearly 30 years (Luke 3:18). I imagine there must have been some letdown. Both Mary and Joseph were visited by angels who announced the birth of Jesus. That’s some serious hype. For centuries prophets spoke and longed to see the night in the manger. But what happened the next day? My guess is the same things that happen after the birth of every new family’s first child. Monday there was feeding, diaper changing, and crying. Mary and Joseph were sleep deprived for a while. The shepherds? Back to work, tending sheep. Oh, there was excitement, but not the kind you would want. I mean, who wants to flee your home for another country to save the life of your son (Mat. 2:13-21).  Eventually, life settled down in Nazareth.It was some thirty years before people began to see and hear what Jesus was about. For Mary, thirty years of mothering, thirty years of treasuring up everything she experienced in her heart before she saw Jesus’ ministry. And Joseph? He’s not mentioned after the birth narrative, and many scholars believe he likely died before Jesus’ public ministry began. Years of being a father and perhaps Joseph never saw. It was the waiting period, and everyone who has loved God throughout the ages has been through one. Adam and Eve waited for the seed. Abraham waited for a son. The Israelites waited in Egypt, and then for the prophet like Moses to come (Deut. 18:15). If you were alive during the three years of Jesus’ ministry, you waited for him to do something to deliver his people. And if you are a Christian living any time during the last two thousand years you have waited for Christ’s return and consumption of his kingdom. From the beginning of God’s rescue plan, the children of God have been waiting people.It’s easy to feel the letdown today. Jesus has come, and we want everything done right now. I know I do. I want the fight against sin to be over, I want a resurrection body, and most of all I want to be with God on the new earth he will make. But today, we wait. It’s not all bad news. The waiting is not useless, and what we do during our waiting really matters. Do you think the love and care of a mother was wasted as Mary waited thirty years? Of course not. I love that about the story of Jesus. There were thirty years of Mary being a mom, and every day mattered.  And the truth is, whatever you do to the glory of God today, another day in a long line of waiting, matters as well. That's a great truth that flows from the reality of serving a sovereign God--the mundane matters. I don't know how, but I know that it does, and I want to spend my waiting day knowing that even the smallest things done out of love for God and people matter.

Christians and Politics: that meeting with Trump

Christianity has a unique relationship with politics. It’s a relationship of clearly defined allegiances and responsibilities captured best in Jesus’ own words in Matthew 21:22. “Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” As Christians we whole heartedly render to the government and its political process the things they are due, knowing that when done rightly we are ultimately doing them unto to Lord (1 Cor. 10:31). On the other side of the relationship is an unyielding and unashamed belief in the things of God. The truths of Scripture, of Christ’s gospel and what it entails (ethics and all), are non-negotiable. I believe Jesus calls Christians to live this out in a way that is obvious to those around us. We should be good citizens of the country and states in which we live, but it should be painfully obvious that our ultimate allegiance, hope, and future lies elsewhere. An unbelieving world should easily note that Christians are not concerned with the power and prestige of the world because we have been captured by the power and beauty of Christ.My concern is that in our current election this distinction is not as clear as it should be, and nothing captures that better than the meeting last Tuesday between Donald Trump and several hundred evangelical leaders in New York. The meeting was closed to the media, but transcripts have made their way out. I want to be clear from the outset that I’m not condemning the men and women who attended the meeting. It’s a dangerous game to pretend like we know the motives in peoples’ hearts, especially when we do not know them and have never spoken to them. They will stand or fall before their own Master (Romans 14:4). What I do want to clearly point out, however, is how some of what took place at the meeting failed to maintain the sharp line of distinction that Jesus called for in Matthew 21:22.Last week The Atlantic published an article that ended with the following paragraph:

"Donald Trump is no dummy.  He knows his audience better than they know themselves. Evangelicals are acutely aware of their waning cultural influence and shrinking share of the population. These religious leaders care about their principles, yes. But they care about something else even more: power. While not every evangelical leader is enthusiastic about Trump, many are starting to express warm feelings toward the candidate. Expect the cascade to continue. Their fawning, fumbling efforts to push Trump into the White House prove that many of them will risk everything to reclaim cultural and political control—even if that means defying their own beliefs."

That’s a sad conclusion for anyone to draw of a group of Christians, especially Christian leaders. Our first question should be whether or not it is justified. And as sad as it is to say, I’m afraid the answer is yes—at least when it comes to the Christian men who introduced Trump: Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell Jr. I believe both blurred the line Jesus called for, and unfortunately left the world thinking that power was indeed more important than principle. Here’s selections of troubling things each said.

Graham: And as we look at who is to be the next president of the United States, many people are looking at qualities. And I’d like to take just a moment to look at the Bible. Some of the individuals are our patriarchs: Abraham — great man of faith. But he lied. Moses led his people out of bondage, but he disobeyed God. David committed adultery and then he committed murder. The Apostles turned their back on the Lord Jesus Christ in his greatest hour of need, they turned their backs and they ran. Peter denied him three times. All of this to say, there is none of us is perfect. We’re all guilty of sin. Franklin Graham stands here in front of you today as a sinner. But I’ve been forgiven by God’s grace. He forgave me. I invited Christ to come into my heart and my life. He forgave me. There’s no perfect person—there’s only one, and that’s the Lord Jesus Christ. And he’s not running for president of the United States this year.

The middle part is not so bad, but the implication of the whole paragraph is. Without saying it directly, Graham implied that Trump is like Abraham, Moses, David, and Peter. All imperfect sinners, yet all great men used by God. The part missing? That Abraham, Moses, David, and Peter where all broken over their sin, confessed and repented over their sin, and obeyed God. I would be overjoyed if Trump were to follow suit (I want everyone to know and delight in Jesus!). But we can’t minimize the seriousness of sin by pointing to the sins of others—especially when the core of our message is that we are sinners who stand before a holy God, deserving judgment and needing salvation.

Falwell: Donald Trump is the only candidate in this election who has achieved independent financial success. He’s not a puppet on a string like the other candidate, who has wealthy donors — some from countries who oppress women and gays — as her puppet masters. And that’s a key reason why so many voters are attracted to him.

That Trump has achieved independent financial success is a true statement. The issue is that Trump has made much of his money in a manner that historic Christianity would call unethical. Here are two examples. First, gambling. It’s no secret that Trump owns several casinos, some more profitable than others. Yet at Liberty University, of which Falwell is the president, the Student Honor Code lists gambling as a 6 point offense. Then there’s all the money Trump makes off of his own brand, the Trump name which Trump has been building for decades. No doubt some (a lot?) of that name rests on practices that Christians, including Falwell, deem unethical. One easy example of this is a photo op of Trump, Falwell, and Falwell’s wife. A bit embarrassing that over Mrs. Falwell’s left shoulder is a framed Playboy magazine with Trump on the cover (Liberty’s honor code rightly considers Playboy offensive media). That’s just one piece of the Trump name. So it appears that Trump has avoided one evil by indulging in another. Again, the endorsement seems to be at odds with what Falwell and the rest of orthodox Christianity teach.It’s examples like these that can easily lead people to think—whether rightly or wrongly—that Christian leaders, and so all Christians, are more concerned with power than with the truth of the Gospel of Jesus.So what should we do? Walk the line Jesus calls for, very carefully. Personally, I am committed to vote because that’s part of what being a good citizen means. I have never missed voting in an election, and I don’t intend on starting now. But I will honestly say that I cannot enthusiastically vote for any presidential candidate we currently have (and there are more than 2!). We must be engaged with the culture in which we live, and we must render unto Caesar things that are Caesar’s. But as Christians, we must do so in a way that always displays where our ultimate allegiance lies. The witness of the Church is more important than who wins the upcoming election. To sacrifice the former for the sake of the latter would be like giving up running water to save a leaky faucet.

Marring a man of God: a letter to my daughter (part 3)

This is part three of a three part series where Ed Sanderlin shares a letter to his daughter on marriage. Read part one here, and part two here. NOW THE POSITIVE CONSIDERATIONS: It is not unloving or selfish to pray for a future husband that has a godly heritage and legacy. Can you imagine marrying a man whose greatest struggles have been to be godlier? Alas, we have moved into an age where the greatest struggle people have is to recover from the circumstances of a life without God. We die licking our wounds. Life is spent retracing and reliving our old patterns that have worn deep grooves in our past. They have become besetting sins. In fact, the past decisions, in some ways, become our future grievances.Would it not be the delight of life to wed a man whose past is his adorning graces, not his hidden turpitudes?It is not unloving or selfish to dream of a man of God who has lived a righteous life from his earliest memories – a man whose greatest struggles in life have been to deny ungodliness and to live righteously in this present age (Titus 2.12).It is not unloving or selfish to desire to marry a man who has had all the pearls of wisdom not only embedded in his heart from godly parents, but one who has also seen his parents live out the very truths that they have told him. Would it not be a magnificent wonder for you to have a father and mother-in-law that will encourage their beloved son in his marriage to you; to be a daughter-in-law in a godly legacy that will carry the next generation to a lost world. This is God’s ideal way. It should not be the exception. If this is not true, then it is we who have decided to live less than His ideal.It is not unloving or selfish to aim to marry a ministry mate above a mate who needs ministry. I am not saying that your potential mate needs to be perfect – good grief! You know better than that. I’m saying marry a man with the prospect that he will compliment your ministry. Once you are married, then, let him become your ministry – nourish and support him that his overflow will enhance the Kingdom of God. There will be mutual edification that supports a greater endeavor for the glory of God. Your lives together will double the impact in this world for Christ. He will be your helpmeet in furthering the gospel and serving Christ. You both are swept away in the things of God and then you notice that you are next to one another. He will pick you up when you are down and you likewise.Your passion must be for Christ first, and then your passion for one another will be the outcome. Happiness is not what one seeks in marriage. The fruit of a right relationship with God is the joy in your relationship with your husband.It is not unloving or selfish to long for a man who instead carries in him a multitude of the glories of God, a mind for mission and an untethered, unencumbered life that gives him an unburdened ability to spend his life with you in a journey pursuing and furthering the gospel. Know what is his calling from the Lord. Know what is his passion for life and where he is headed.If it were wrong to desire a man of godly bearing and heritage, then God would not have put on show in Scripture such portraits of godly men for a woman to long. Read all of Proverbs and observe the godly man. God would not have told us about the strength of Joseph, nor displayed the faith of Abraham, nor have told us about the courage of Daniel. He told us about Moses, Joshua and Gideon, about Jonathan, Elijah and the union of Aquila and Priscilla as well. Why did God reveal to us the wonder of godly men in the Bible if it were not for aspiration? Aspire to be the strength behind, beneath and beside a man who is intensely identified with the mind of God. Join a man who has been empowered and penetrated by the presence of God. Pray for the ideal and hope for the man who has been a faithful servant of Christ. Desire a man who has been a Christian longer than he has not been a Christian. Seek the man who knows what it means to deny his sinful desires and has suffered for His sake. Stand firm for the man who has been rewarded by God for keeping purity for God’s glory. Why not long for the mate who has been waiting for God and who toils for His kingdom. Wait on this man and then serve the Lord with him. Wait for a man who has waited for you and has not given himself to any other woman as you have not given yourself to any other man. God has retained such a man for you. He is there.Live your life that you would be a woman of God, so adorned with of mind of Christ that a man like Joseph would walk to ends of the earth to find you.OKAY, moving on…How about a brief excursion in the aspect of SEX now? We’ve talked about the sexual aspect of a relationship many times.Here is the BOTTOM LINE - You are sexually compatible with any male! What more can be said about sexual compatibility?You have yet to really be sexually pursued. Be ready. Be anchored and don’t be swooned away. Guard your emotions. Be strong in the Lord. Recognize what is happening in you.The sexual criteria for discerning a mate should be at the bottom of the list. Set aside the initial drawing for sex. A woman who has her head on right with God can see clearly beyond the “sex only” draw for a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we are sexual beings and it is a great gift from God, but sex is sex. A marriage that is built on sex is no marriage. Sex will get old in two weeks if that is the end goal. The focus of marriage is to display the glory of God and to build a godly posterity.The day may come when you can’t have sex. What if either of you were to be in an accident or sex was no longer a gratifying exercise. Think of Joni Eareckson What if you were scarred or debilitated, even paralyzed? More simply, what if you were separated for a period of time? If this man is more attracted to you for your physical assets, then what will you have when you grow older and the enhancements of youth dissolve with the advancements of age?If sex or physical attraction is his draw (or even a pivotal factor), then your marriage is at considerable risk. Imagine a marriage without sex. Would your marriage remain? Would it remain strong? Whatever is left without sex is your marriage.What are some worrying signs that might indicate that your relationship is more sensual than spiritual? Be watchful now to observe his modesty. Notice if he expects sexual gratis from you. How does he dress around you – how about in public? Does he use his words to stir you emotionally? Does he use conversational tactics with you to maneuver into a physical relationship? Does he maneuver or manipulate your circumstances to be alone? Does he make statements or clichés that have secondary meanings? Are you more sexually aroused with him than you are spiritually challenged? What do his eyes tell you? Is he protecting you from intimacy beyond your level of commitment? What is your purpose and goal just prior to being with him? Are their determinative physical limits that you both have set? If you “went too far” with him, would you be embarrassed or would he feel betrayed – would he be surprised or satisfied and encouraged? Do his friends hint at any eagerness on his part to be with you? Has he talked with your friends to hint that you should be a little more aggressive with him? Be alert to these things and run from him if you suspect his motives are not pure.Be sure that what draws you to a person is what draws you to God. The inverse is true as well. If your lives are not independently related to God, then they will not be generative to one another.Take your time; know the mind and heart of God. Know the heart and mind of the guy. Know his history and recognize what you must bear with him. Determine that the struggles you have with the one you will marry will be the struggles that further the gospel, not the struggles that sputter in sins past follies.Let me connect the dots of what I’ve been saying in a sentence or two. Just how willing are you to enter into a marriage with another person who suffers more greatly with the residual ramifications of past sins than with a person who has walked with God and suffers little from the remorse of a sinful past? Do not volunteer to inherit the valley of liabilities in the life of another person when you can share in the delights of a man that is rich with the blessings of God and who has lived before Him in anticipation for a woman of God. Look for a man who is so caught up in the things of God that he must stop to consider if you are a hindrance or help in his pursuit of God.CONCLUSIONI could go on forever. I don’t really have an impact statement that will hit a home run for you. You must walk by faith in this matter. You must hear the call of God and protect your nearness to Him. Be in pursuit of His pleasure and fight for holiness of life. Wait on Him. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you t

Marrying a man of God: a letter to my daughter (part 2)

This is part two of a three part series where Ed Sanderlin shares a letter to his daughter on marriage. Read part one here. PART IIWhen one is redeemed, even then, the principle of sewing and reaping of sin and its consequences are still an abiding rule; however, the consequences are no longer there to reprimand us, but to remind us. They remind us from what we were saved and they generate in us a remarkable response of praise to God.Remember, we are speaking in principle. So, let us proceed. One may say that this guy on whom I have my eye is a new Christian. God has forgiven him and he stands before God on the same ground that you stand. He was washed with the same blood of Christ that you were washed. He is just as endeared to God as you. How could you hold his past sins against him when God does not? But, this is not the issue of which I speak. This is another whole topic. It has nothing to do with whom you will seek partnership for the rest of your life in ministry. I am not speaking of the general love that we have for people or the fellowship we have with believers in the body.I am speaking of joining yourself with someone forever – “until death do you part”. I am speaking of a relationship with someone who plows the same ground with you through all of life. When you consider a life partner, you consider him with a fine-toothed comb.The fact that he may be a Christian is only the beginning criteria for discerning a mate for life. There are many Christians, but not all will be your husband.What are some other discerning factors to “narrow the field?”  There are both negative and positive considerations for “narrowing the field”. FIRST, THE NEGATIVE CONSIDERATIONS:Imagine a guy who is newly saved but has had sex with 1, 2, 3, 4, or more girls. Each one of these girls with whom he has had sex has had multiple partners themselves. How many times can he divide himself? God designed us to be intimate with ONE person all our lives. You cannot perform the most intimate physical act with someone and then go undamaged, even if he is subsequently saved. There are emotional and physical laws that have been broken. Sin has consequences (we hit that issue earlier). Yes, wounds heal, but scars remain and are for life – saved or not, these consequences matter now. One cannot sin with impunity. There are principles with sin – there are indelible rules: 1. There are always consequences, 2. The consequences usually fall on us later, and 3. They are always more than for what we bargained.Do not be surprised if in the future you are confronted with one or more of these women with whom he has been sexually active. He may now be a Christian, but these women may not be.Are you prepared to deal with the re-entrance of these women from his past into your marriage? They have an “axe to grind”. How will this affect your life – your ministry – the glory and greatness of God’s hand in your union with this man?Hos 8:7 For they sow the wind, And they reap the whirlwind.Additionally, we live in an age where if a guy has sex with a girl and she becomes pregnant, she simply has an abortion. Even though he may now be a Christian, “it will always be there”. It will be a complexity throughout life and he will always carry that horrendous event deep down in his heart. And, if he doesn’t regret his act, then his heart is sick and his future is dark. Are you willing to become one with a guy who placed a girl in this position? He executed an act that launched an eternal and devastating effect. The events were set into motion that will have reverberations for generations to come. What if the girl with whom he fathered a child did not have an abortion, as a woman who has married this man, one day you may have to come face to face with this woman and her child. He has a bond with another woman that will not go away.Not only does this man face the threat of emotional scars and difficulties with past relationships, he may bring to your marriage a sexually contracted disease. You know that is very likely. It doesn’t matter how Christ-like one may become after salvation, if he has a disease, it cannot be washed away as were his sins. Ask your mom about someone we knew who couldn’t even wear her underwear when her sores were present. It was too painful. If you marry a guy who has an STD, you will get it, too.Imagine a man who grew up in a godless family. When I say “godless”, I do not mean “ungodly”. A godless home just means a home where the true God is not present or circumferential at best. Little to no consideration is given to God in any conduct of life. But note - something always takes the place of God, even in a godless home. There is superstition, weird religious notions, humanism, half-breeds and “morphisms” of multiple religions, and man-made concoctions. We are “hard-wired” for religion. No one escapes the vacuum in the heart that God created for Him alone to fill. And now, imagine in all the glories of heaven, this man comes to Christ.Praise God, but all those twisted fancies must be undone. Truth must be consumed and digested with the greatest intensity. He must now think in straight lines. When a mind escapes the tyranny of lies, it must unravel with time. The Holy Spirit must wash with the Word all that his family has imparted throughout his most susceptible years. The washing is like the washing of water against oil (Eph 5.26). Cutting through grease with water takes time. Jesus knew that the time for godly training is when an individual is a child. Great headwinds await an adult who comes to Christ.Pr 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.And, not only are there godless homes as aforementioned, but there are ungodly homes. Need we go into that?Imagine that there is a guy who comes to Christ from whether a godless or ungodly home; you are marrying that whole family, too. There WILL be contention and animosity. There will be war, maybe not at first, but it will come as sure as the day.Your new husband will have to break ties. He must “leave” them and “cleave” to you. Such is a biblical mandate.Lu 14:26 “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.You will be the intruder to them and the fool who is sustaining this foolishness in their son. You will be minimalized. Yes, they are a mission field, but more a minefield. They may come to Christ, but most likely not. You don’t marry a man to witness to his family. You can do that without joining yourself to a league against God.Imagine again, that there is a guy who comes to Christ from a godless home where his parents are divorced. You will face times in your marriage where it will be easier to separate than to work through your troubles.What advice will his divorced parents give their son? Do they expect his marriage to last? Can he truly abandon his parents and disregard their example? It is possible, but it weighs against him. He will bring his experiences from his home into your new home.He will watch and listen for signs to take place in his marriage that took place in his parents. He may expect the same infidelity or cruelty in you that he saw in his parents.He will be more predisposed to divorce than he will be to pushing through. It is all he knows. He is a Christian but has no experience or history of a Christ-like home. (The stats today are that there are as many Christians divorcing as those in the world). Every day of working through issues with you will be brand new to him. He has never seen forgiveness in his home. He has never seen enduring love between his parents. Nothing of godly heritage was ever modeled for him to see. A Christian marriage is a new horizon for him and a Christian marriage is not the same as being a Christian alone. Marriage demands everything that you are and tests you to every breaking point. Getting married doesn’t fix anything. It is not a dream world. Few remain married today and even fewer have ever witnessed a marriage founded in Christ. In fact, a vibrant Christian marriage that has lasted for years may be as rare as a unicorn in the park.Imagine that there is a man who is a new Christian, whose past is questionable and even a mystery, who carries with him the scars from a land of unknown iniquities, whose parents have provided a godless, broken home, in which he has dwelt most of his life. Imagine. Are you ready to enter into a life-long, forever bond with this man? Will this union glorify God to the fullest? Will you live and breath maximally for the glory of God in this union? Marriage is not about you – marriage is about God.Now, I said I’d address the issue of carrying the burdens of the guy you fancy. I mentioned above that most of those problems would not come to light until the vows are exchanged and the pronouncement is made. You can nearly see it coming when you consider all of the “imagines” that I wrote about above. Read the following carefully.The demonstration of God’s love to mankind is a demonstration of His sacrifice. This demonstration is His masculine trait. Don’t misunderstand; God is not male or female. He has portrayed Himself as masculine. This translates into our marriage relationship. But, prior to marriage, we sense an initial draw to protect and to provide. As husbands, masculinity is demonstrated in this love and sacrifice for their wives.Eph 5.23,25-27 “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.”There is just something in a man that draws him to a woman that “needs” him. It seems the more she hurts, the more he wants to protect and provide for her. He wants to fix it. It is the masculine trait in men. He can’t help but to want to “fill her gap”. It is built into a man to want to LOVE a woman. You know this LOVE. It is a God sized love – giving, sacrificial, enduring and life-spilling.My question to you as a young woman entering into a union with a man who is mandated by God to love YOU, what history is built into this individual who is now supposed to be like Christ to you? Is his life free of circumstantial sins that he can now be fully obedient to this command from God on your behalf?Can he wash you with the Word and present you spotless when his past life is bogged down with a sinful history that rolls over into his Christian life? He may have been forgiven the eternal judgment of his sins, but he carries into your marriage the battered effects of what he has done. God does not undo the consequences of our past as though all of life has been a “freebie”.It is nearly inevitable that the wife will supplant the husband at his role. For one thing, there is an unpleasant aspect from the original fall in the Garden of Eden when God cursed Eve.Genesis 3:16 says, “… Yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”This “desire” means to “run over”, or to “rule over”.  It is a curse. Without strong, godly leadership from the husband, the wife will struggle with insubordination. She will rule.In addition to this curse of insubordination, the woman has an innate desire to nurture and to mother. Attention is unduly spent nurturing and carrying her husband than is naturally expected in a healthy marriage. She will face a conflict of sorts to nurture him from his battered past, yet fight from taking leadership from him due to his inadequate headship over her. What a complicated situation.Imagine such an inverted relationship in the body of Christ where the church instead of Christ is the strength in the union. Imagine a perverse role where Christ was in need of believers and would fail were it not for the church to support their “Lord”. Since when does the body lead the head?A word of dire warning, do not confuse this innate drawing of your feminine traits with the leading of the Holy Spirit to determine Gods mind in the matter of choosing a spouse. Emotions and nature have a near irresistible pull to unite with a man who carries the consequences of sin’s former tyranny. Your sense of nurture will inspire you to carry him. It need not be.If God gives him to you to carry, then He will give you the capacity, but do not think of it as a badge of honor to weigh down your saddle with more than God intended. Remember how it is supposed to be.As a godly wife, enwrap your life around him and unite into his ministry for God; BUT, how can you do this, when his life is fouled by multiple spinouts and start-overs. Your dreams for an exciting life in the Lords work will be gnarled in the downward spiraling effects of a man who needs to be tugged along life’s way.Our culture has done a great disservice to us. The biblical model has the parents in great assist with the choice of the sons and daughters mate. It is an entire family process based on the history and knowledge of all the families known to each side. It is a combination of family units that have a fear of God and who can trace the history of each family back many generations. Such a process and familiarity of heritage leave few surprises after the alter.(Part III we will address positive considerations for “narrowing the field”)